I made myself a promise…

I promised I’d do better,
I promised I’d try harder,
I promised I’d be stronger,
I promised I’d laugh louder.

Today I tried to do those things,
But something wasn’t right.
I’m not sure what it was,
Maybe my jeans were just too tight.

I tried to motivate myself,
I tried to laugh out loud.
I tried to see the good in all,
I tried to feel so proud

Sometimes there’s a heaviness,
I can’t stand my own reflection,
Everything I do is wrong,
There are too many imperfections.

But today does not define me,
Nor do these thoughts of mine.
Yesterday was a good day,
Surely tomorrow I’ll be fine.

What happens if I wake up
And feel the same way then?
I guess I’ll muddle through,
and the day after, try again.

When it’s good it’s really good,
But when it’s bad, it’s horrid.
“Snap out of it!” I tell myself,
I really wish I could.

Right now in this moment,
I really am ok,
I don’t feel sad nor happy,
“It could be worse”, I say.

I’ll get myself up out of bed,
Go make a cup of tea,
Maybe then I’ll feel kind of normal,
Maybe then…maybe